Messages From Match

If you and I were bears, I would fight larger bears to establish dominance to win the right to woo your bear heart. I would watch over you while you hibernate and bring you all the salmon you wanted.

Filed Under: My milkshake brings all the “bears” to the yard

Wednesday, 15th May

Hey I left a blowjob at your house. Do you mind if I come by later and grab it? I’m just joking :)

Filed Under: Fatuous Fellatio

Monday, 13th May

I just have 1 question. why when I approach you with etiquette. handsome young man like myself haven’t gotten a reply from you. sorry for the disturbance I’m not trying to be rude or anything like that….lol like It’s a criminal offence to befriended you. What your mental attractions if it’s not too much to ask for…!

Filed Under: Nice bloggers finish last.

Wednesday, 28th November

Hi! what could I steal for you to go out with me?

Filed Under: Wynona Rider’s soulmate

Monday, 12th November

At what point in getting to know someone do you be completely honest and drop that piece of info? I’ve done porn and I have the assets of a farm animal.

Filed Under: Dirk Diggler

Tuesday, 23rd October

I think you’re winsome, to the brightest zenith of expression, even; though it would tax all the severity of truth to term which perfections were more dulcet or deserved the deeper pledge. But, I am, I assure you a very hard worker!

Filed Under: #Bindersfullofwomen

Saturday, 20th October
I have a large collection of beanie babies. What is your favorite beanie babie?

Filed Under: Kids, don’t talk to strangers.

Thursday, 9th August

Is it wrong to have a fetish were u like to be commanded to do w.e a girl tells u too?…cuz I have that fetish, and I love to spoil women, while im gettin treated like a bitch…i love to be called that too…gettin disrespected while a woman spends my money is wat I need, im looking to be somebodies bitch.

Filed Under: Getting pimped ain’t easy

Wednesday, 1st August

I once met a man in a trench coat. He often slept in an alleyway adjacent to my old bus stop. This elderly man would tell me of the universe as I waited for the bus to arrive as I so often did. One day, a rainstorm came through and he was no longer there. I looked all around and later found him. He was in the mirror. I was him all along. I’m actually homeless. I don’t have a mirror. My life is a sham. My words are meaningless.

Filed Under: Homeless Houdini

Friday, 4th May

I like looking at things. I also enjoy hearing things. Also feeling things is quite nice. Especially when those things are shiny and feel nice and make funny noises. I am a train. I choo-choo-choose you.

Filed Under: Still high from Coachella

Monday, 30th April